![]() He presents Tyrion with a book about the War of the Five Kings called “A Song of Ice and Fire,” then looks directly into the camera and tap-dances out of frame. ![]() Sam must have taken some online courses at, because he checks into the meeting as the new Grand Maester. Brienne’s there too, as Head of the Kingsguard, along with a freshly-knighted Ser Podrick. He’s very nervous for the first small council meeting of this new era, and you would be too if Bronn was your Master of Coin. Meanwhile, as dawn rises on the reign of Bran the Broken, we are treated to a triumphant shot of Tyrion arranging chairs for 30 solid seconds. Jon reunites with Tormund, returns to the land beyond the wall and finally PETS GHOST! Truly, the closure we needed. In their eyes they’re basically sending him back to hell.Īnd so, the Starks go their separate, variably satisfying ways. Why? Because Grey Worm and Daenerys’ remaining forces demand justice for her death and honey, they’ve been to the North. Oh, what happens to Jon? He has to go back to the Night’s Watch, which is still around for some reason. You know, as punishment for um, all the other times he was Hand and was terrible at it. In that same spirit of reluctant obligation, Bran picks Tyrion to be his Hand of the King. Given Bran’s longstanding political apathy, it’s still six kingdoms more than he wanted to rule anyway. Sansa, knowing her worth, opts out of the mess and reinstates the North as a separate kingdom with King Bran’s blessing. How about a speech by Tyrion - technically still a prisoner, by the way - that convinces everyone that Bran is the most interesting and worthy candidate to rule the Seven Kingdoms? Everyone agrees Westeros needs a ruler, but how will they choose one? No, not via a democracy, SAM. What follows is a scene with all of the tension and drama of a briskly-run board meeting. We thought that guy would be dead by now. Look! It’s Robin Arryn, back from his journey to Pubertyos. Welcome to the “Game of Sensible, Neatly Arranged Chairs.”Īfter Daenerys’ death, the Unsullied lock Jon up with Tyrion and everyone wanders around regent-less while the remaining heads of the great houses teleport to the Dragon Pit for a grand council. But there’s still 50 minutes worth of story left to tell. Grief-stricken and thoroughly done with humanity, Drogon scoops up Daenerys’ dead body and flies off with her like she’s the baton in a relay race. Did he realize, somewhere in his tiny dragon brain, that the ultimate reason for Daenerys’ downfall was her unwavering obsession with the Iron Throne and the power it represented, and thus the fault of her death lies not with Jon Snow, but with her own hubris and the object that fed it? Probably not, but it’s nice to imagine dragons having a sense of poetic justice. Just kidding! He completely wastes the Iron Throne. If you thought you were upset at Dany’s oddly anticlimactic ending, you have nothing on Drogon, who goes nuts and immediately sets his mother’s killer alight. You had scores of zombie dead people to do your bidding. By the time he finally picks up what Tyrion is putting down, they both look like they’ve grown another inch of scraggly beard hair.ĭaggers really are the MVP of major character kills, aren’t they? Daenerys and the Night King are going to have a lot to reflect upon in the afterlife: “I had dragons. Jon has many strengths, but he’s never been the sharpest sword in the forge, and it takes an infuriatingly long time for him to break out of his “But she’s the queen” logic loop. Tyrion, who is thrown in jail by Dany for freeing Jaime, tries to get it through Jon’s curly, mopey head: Dany is bad now! She roasted hundreds of thousands of people! “Fire and Blood” always did have kind of a fascist ring to it, but she’s really grinding it into the ground. In fact, it’s like she’s a completely different person! Suspiciously, abruptly, narrative-defyingly different! No wonder Jon, Tyrion and the rest of their crew are so freaked out by her.Īctually, Jon is not as freaked out as he should be. Gone is the wide-eyed innocent who stood timidly outside of Illyrio Mopatis’ house in Pentos all those years ago. She’s glowing, she’s thriving, she’s wearing sexy leather dictator clothes and giving troubling speeches in front of the burnt-out shell of the Red Keep. You definitely earned that Starbucks gift card.Īfter broiling the entire city of King’s Landing, Daenerys is in her element. Some say in ice.Īnd so, our song of ice and fire ends as we all said it would: In extended council meetings and elective monarchy! Congratulations to anyone who correctly called King Bran in their “Game of Thrones” office pool.
0 Comments
Leave a Reply. |